Pressurized Canister May Spontaneously Combust

Julia Sholl

WARNING: When you turn the television on, scan the headlines and the forecast. Weathermen and the journalists say there is a heat wave. There’s a drought and a fire and the midterms. Tempers boil at 212°F. To avoid burning, make a newspaper hat to hide from the sizzling rain.

DANGER: First-degree burns cause pain, redness, and swelling. Second-degree burns cause pain, redness, swelling and blistering. Third-degree burns cause numbness.

CAUTION: Some symptoms of having beliefs include being: alone at social events, unfollowed by family members, afraid to go to friend’s houses due to their parent’s opinions, guilty of buying pins for backpacks and then being too afraid to show them, pain, redness, and/or swelling.

ATTENTION: Secondhand smoke can still cause harm.

ALERT: Smoke whistling out of people’s ears has been known to cause blindness, deafness, burns, and/or denial of blindness, deafness and/or burns. It may also cause smog which has been known to cause at-risk persons to wake up in the dark and get home in the dark.

CHOKING HAZARD: DO NOT allow ANYONE to swallow without chewing and checking their sources.

RISK OF SUFFOCATION: I have choked on my words so many times that I have learned to say nothing. Conversation about politics, religion, or even a simple movie review in my public high schools may cause my throat to close like a lock. Better to say nothing and let them think I’m thinking than to say something and betray my position in the dark.